Please help I'm thinking about sucide all the time and I think I'm depressed?

lately I have been so depressed and hopeless I have no friends, I don't have the easiest home life and I'm just different from everyone at school everyone just gets anoyed with me it's really obvious and at home I can't ever be alone or at peace and there's no place I can escape to to feel peace and happiness lately I have been thinking about sucide all the time and I keep convinceing myself I don't want to kill myself don't do it! but then I think there's no point in life but somedays I will be happy even in the worst situations and wonder why the day before I wanted to kill myself when I am sad I just want to take a sharp object cut my vein write a sucide note and be at peace I thought about calling the sucide hotline on my cell phone for help but I'm afraid they would call me back and my mom would get very suspicious and ask me who it is i really don't want to die it's just life is so hard and cruel I don't know why I was even put on earth sometimes because all I am is tourtured by the world please help I'm very desperate and miserable�